Boxers or Briefs: The Debate of the Decade

By Alex Geli and Jake Shiner

Dear females, see the “x” on the top right (or left if you’re using a Mac) of your screen? Click on it. The information below is strictly for your counterpart:  males.

It’s sort of like in your sex ed class when you had to exit the room to let the boys learn about their certain “parts” that may be found below their belt. This time, although around the same area, they are the overlying garments of the groin. Some wear boxers, some wear briefs, and hopefully no one wears whitey tighties.

“They both have good qualities, but boxers really take the cake,” said senior Cody Welch.

As to why, Welch was just looking out for his land down under.

“Gotta give (them) some air,” he said.

The underwear Welch and Miller fancy. Photo from theshould.com

“Oh definitely boxers,” senior Zach Miller said, “(because) I like the movement I get in them.”

There is a special bond between Miller and his undergarments. His boxers reflect his personality, and he never would he cheat on them by wearing briefs, even if he is exercising.

Going in detail on how far he would go to stay faithful to his underwear, he said, “I’d rather be commando.”

Commando-Style, according to urbandictionary.com, “is the act of not wearing underwear under one’s outer clothing.”

When choosing boxers or briefs, many factors come into play.

1. Comfort.

Tyler Beckley and Quinn Nadu, both seniors, are two men who perceive choosing underwear as no joke.

“Boxers are more comfortable,” Beckley said. “It’s like I’m wearing tights or something,” referring to when briefs are wrapped around his waist instead of the looser underwear, boxer shorts.

“Briefs are constrictive,” Nadu added.

Tyler Wilson and Eric Bear, on the other hand, disagree. They think that it’s the other way around – boxers are just plain old irritating.

Some may think that briefs are too tight and uncomfortable, but most athletes appreciate the support. Photo from socialmixclub.com

“Boxers are so annoying,” Bear said. “They always ride up on me.”

Wilson concurred, “Boxers give you wedgies,” while being enlightened by not-so-good memories full of scrunched up faces and odd, penguin-like walks.

2. Support.

Seniors Kyle Hallett, Patrick Jones, Willie Chalfant, Jaq Presbery and Mark Curtin, and junior Russell Thorsen all agree that briefs are the best bet when talking about support.

“Briefs all day,” Presbery and Curtin agreed.

“I like the support of the briefs,” Thorsen said. “It’s like a sports bra (under there).”

3. Appearance.

One thing boxers have that briefs are deprived of is design.

Thorsen, although admitting he was a “hybrid underwear-er,” as he put it, the design of his boxers swayed him towards his decision of which one to wear.

“I like the pinstripes a lot,” he said.

Thespian Cody Goldberg had no choice whether to switch it up one day since he “ordinarily (wears) briefs,” as he was left with no clean pairs.

“I was out of briefs so I’m sporting the ‘Grinch Stole Christmas’ boxers,” Goldberg said as he pulled his back out attempting to show the world his cartoon-themed underwear, possibly ripping them in the process – good thing he’s a briefs guy.

Goldberg flaunting his "Merry Grinchmas" boxers. Photo taken by Alex Geli

Some like the look of boxers, therefore putting those baggy loops through both of their legs, but some rather them be more on display for all to see.

After getting Super Man whitey tighties for Christmas, senior Jordon Lyons put them in a slightly unfamiliar place to underwear.

“They’re hanging up on my wall,” he said proudly.

4. Possibility of chafing.

First of all, what the heck is “chafing?” Again, according to urbandictionary.com, chafing “to rub and cause irritation or friction,” particularly in the groin area.

Miller, as mentioned before, is a fan of boxers. One reason why? Well, chafing occurs when briefs are conformed to the bottom half of his body; therefore, itching, some redness and possibly a rash soon comes into play.

Actually, to be specific, Miller described the “c” word as “little gnomes inside your pants with wool rags rubbing up on your legs.” To combat this epidemic, he relies on a substance called baby powder, provided by the company Johnson & Johnson.

5. The abilities.

Referring to maneuverability and breathe-ability, it is essential that the user is satisfied with the amount of air enabling the body to be more mobile.

Gnomes such as these are victimized for causing brief users to "chafe." Photo from thetandashow.com

Welch, a boxers-savvy gentleman mentioned previously, welcomes the massive amount of air suppressed inside boxer shorts.

“They breathe easier,” he said. While in briefs, “they suffocate in there,” he added.

Like Welch and Thorsen, some students choose to wear both boxer shorts or boxer briefs. The more outgoing seem to lean towards the more colorful and loose choice, boxers, while others are left with briefs.

When it comes to teachers, well, it’s a different story.

“I look to make sure I have clothes. That’s all I worry about,” said history teacher Joe Herman. The other teachers, though, weren’t as easy going.

Jon Boxleitner, another history teacher, reached into his past and pulled out the younger, marine version of himself – along with a movie quote…

“That’s a matter of national security,” he said.

Comments

  1. ok…first of all these are two good journalists but this story is pathetic. total waste of class time. also promoting appearance of boxers is completely against school code so I would not be surprised if this gets taken down quickly

  2. Bobby Rehm says

    This is an amazing story. I prefer briefs myself. Also people should remember that this is a high school course and the end of the year is coming and many seniors are graduating. The end of the year should have a little bit of breathing room so to speak so I can appreciate the humor of this story.

  3. This is the best sory ever everyone should be like this

  4. i wear whity tightys, dont make fun of me just cuz im cooooooler tan you.

  5. bubba mills says

    i couldnt agree more with bobby.

  6. Anon…..who cares lol

  7. Rg3exfm1 says

    @anon
    who cares

  8. #anon

    spencer is probably the best writer in penn points. #cats